Saturday, November 12, 2011

46 Years

I've been here 46 years ...
46 years,
And I'm just now starting to feel like More than a Stranger here
in this Community of other Humans

I'm also starting to learn
that Most of the other people that I like the most
Those that I feel most drawn to,
Feel this way too ...

And This is Soooo

Those that pretend to, or act as if they, belong or know the "secrets" of Belonging here,
Are the ones I steer very clear of.

However ...
Something very comforting is turning inside of me;
And that is

There are no Real secrets about this life
Or this Community.
Those that live by by what they create or accept as the Secret Rules,
are actually limiting their lives
And minimizing their experience here on Earth.

Ironically, They are the Ones that Miss Out on the Real Stuff.
And I'm Just Now Figuring this Out!!

And what do I think the Real Stuff is??

*Connection / Connectivity

These are the things that have Moved me, Motivated me
In my Best Moments. These are the things that have Led me
to Make the Biggest and Best Decisions of my Life.

Befriending the boy in first grade as he cried while his mother drove away ...

Challenging the"popular" girls I worked with one summer who wanted to cheat  the owner of the business ... and they agreed with me and we finished the job honestly ...

Telling the truth about my weakness in wanting to belong when being suspended for drinking in high school ...

Being truthful even when it caused the worse pain ...

The decisions that I have made based on trying to guess the Secret Rules
and Try and Live up to The Belongers .... Have led to the Biggest Flat Faced Falls of my Life.

Saying so just to Get my way ...

Lying to Hide away instead of being ok with stating what it is I need ...

Being too embarrassed to confess my shortcomings to ask for the help I need, and the situation becomes a disaster that I further lie about by minimizing it or running from ....

46 years Here
And I'm just now Starting to Learn
What's Most Important .... Wow.

I'm Grateful for the Opportunities
I'm Grateful for my Life
I'm Grateful for Love
I'm Enjoying the Beauty
I'm Enjoying the Laughter
I'm Thankful for the Companionship and Warmth
I'm Yearning for Truth, everywhere
I'm Hungry for Consistency in MySelf and yet Know, it will Never be ...
So I am Praying for Peace ...




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