Monday, June 15, 2009

Out of the Armor

So Heavy
So ... In credibly ... Heavy ....
So Credibly ... Encompassing

And Loud ...

Heavy and Loud
Housing Me and My Heart
Hiding my Eyes with It's Face Shield

Imagine how Strong I must Truly be....
To have Worn it like This
For All this Time...

(Yeah, right...)

So Safe
So ... Defended
So Hidden,
Impenetrable

So Heavy
Hard to really Get AnyWhere very Far.
But I did.
And Piece by Piece
and 'Step by Step'
I have made it so much Further than
I ever Dreamed of going.

Piece by Piece
This Armor is Coming Off
And I am Scared
Scared of What this May Mean.
Afraid to Admit That I have always been Scared.

When I acted my Bravest,
Just like at the Table
I was my Most Unsure.

At times, when I felt more secure
When I was loved... for whatever or whoever I was Representing
Myself to be,
I allowed an Eye or Two
Shine through that Iron Plate.

And that was Enough
I thought That I had Made it Through the Fire.
Again, I thought that that Gesture
(albeit a sincere One),
Was I all I had to Do

In order to Love Another
and Love Myself.

Yes, there were reasons
That I built that Armor in the first place.
And reasons that I kept it on and built it stronger, still
In times of Trials.

And Now, I know Better ....
Somehow I always knew that I hid.
Hid, more than the average Warrior.
But I thought that if The Armor
Came Off,
It would be Because
It was All Crashing Down around my Ankles.

But to my Favorable Surprise;
I am Actually
Lifting It Off of Myself!

And, Now ...
I have good reason to Exert
This Demanding Energy ...
A Love True in my Heart

Pound by Pound
Inch by Inch
It Raises off of Me.
And Pieces Fall off
Making it Lighter,
And My Body Strengthens with Each Hoist.

I see the Flanks that have Fallen
Still Hold their Duty
Like a Life of Responsibility
Lies within their Metal ...

As They Fall
And Bounce,
And Roll ....
I Look back and See
They Are Forming a Hut
A Cave of Sorts
(Built Like a House of Cards)

I know I have a Long Way to Go
Before I am Fully
Out of the Armor

But I am feeling Close to a Freedom.
Again,
Closer than I ever Dreamed I'd Be.
I Hope at some point to destroy these left over
Reactions of Protection
And Not Run
To Jump Safe into That
Cave of Plates
Cave of Fears

I Look Forward
And Walk Toward
My Life Lived,
Out of the Armor.

(c)2009jsblankenship

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Beautiful baby!! Keep stepping forward, you are brave and strong. You have come so far already. I love you and am very proud of you.