28 with her,
10 with her,
6 alone.
Where was I when she left?
What was feeling when I quit that job?
What was I like during that time and space between?
How could I jump like I did back then?
What drove me, sustained me, entertained me?
What led my thinking? Gave me peace?
So far from the days of Hermiting away in my garden.
So gone are the times of easy befriendment.
Not easy the ties ... always true and running deep.
Simply out of love, simple love and an unspoken Code of Valor.
When She left I was young enough to step out from my cloak of Duty
and Start living my Life for Me.
But Stepping into Marriage, I somehow traded Myself
For Her and her's.
Attributable only to me. No one else's fault.
No fault to lay at all, that's the one thing I always hated and still do ... Blame.
Perhaps that's because until lately, I've been too immature to accept the fault, the blame
When it was mine.
I let myself Cloud what was right around me
With what felt Good in hiding.
And I've been floundering ever since
with the Work I was Blessed to receive
And the Gift I was given to pour out
To those in need.
"If [I] could do anything [I] wanted, anything... what would it be?"
"Teach, in some capacity, teach. Be it how to regain or train to regain, I'd teach."
(there was no hesitation)
I don't know if I can regain my self at this point. I'm floundering, still.
I think that I can, but the Fire is missing under my feet.
There's So Much Time ...
There's So Little Time ...
(c)2010jsblankenship
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