UnLoading this Pain

Pain
Pain Paying for Pain
Pain Denied
Pain Brushed astray


Pain Delayed
For Pleasure Desired
Unfortunate, at Worst
Learned to Comfort and Hide
Underneath Taste and Texture.


Seasons of Acceptance
Spoiled by PreMature,
Unfounded Devotion
to False Security.


Then Learned to Reject Her
Image in the Best
as well as the Worst of Mirrors.
No Matter how Draped,
Never Enough,
Or more truthfully,
Always Too Much.

So the Time Has Come
To Walk through
The Pain
In order To Rid My life
of this Pain
That I've held onto
Silently,
But Not so Secretly ...

This Load,
This Hand
is Worthless.
Why have I held it for So Long?
Deserving of Pain?
Of Losing this Life?

Perhaps before.
NoLonger
do I deserve
Anything Less
than the Best of Life
of Happiness,
Health and Adventure.

My Greatest Teacher
has, in the end,
been mySelf.
I reached the top of a Mountain
that I doubted I could climb.
Last in Place,
but I made it.
One of the proudest moments of my life.

And I made it through
the Disengagement of a Union
That perpetuated The Pain
of Carrying the Load.
A Union bound by Distracting
Sentimentality.
Entangled Spirits,
unmatched in Depth.
Competing for Power,
One defining it with Giving and Placating.
Once defining it with Receiving and Appearances.

The Pain of Unloading my body
of this heavy Load;
The Pain of Unloading my soul
of this Obligation and Control,
is real, but lessens with each
Step that I take,
Each weight I lift and move Aside.

The Disappointment and Frustration
of Not Understanding
The Why's and Where's and When's
Will Fade to Warmth of Acceptance and Love
Kept Safe in a Box of Memories
Deep inside my Heart.

And They will be in Good Company.

(c)2008jsblankenship